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pambabalaj

8 Apr

minsan naiisip ko kung bakit patuloy akong nakikihalubilo sa mga taong wlang ginawa kundi manggulo sa mundo ko. ngunit sa patuloy na pagmumuni muni napagtanto qng di ganito kakulay ang aking mundo kung wla clang mga pilit na humuhila sa akin pababa. marahil ay wla lng clang magawa, tulad ko. o malamang ay inggit lng sila sa kagandahan at talento ko. wahaha. kaya ang post na ito ay alay ko sa kanila. at oo, mahal ko kau kahit na alam kong pang mental ospital ang pagiisip nyo.
pamela wan ( two at three)
mula’t sapul ay di na kami nagkasundo ng babaeng ito. di ko nga maalala kung san nagsimula ang lahat. siguro nga ay bunga ito ng aming pagkakasunod. kc nman ang mga magulang ko di ata marunong magfamily planning kaya eto: we’re stuck with each other. noon pa man ay sya na ang bida sa bahay, kahit pa na ito ay dahil sa sya ay isang dakilang pasaway at pala-away. panaglihi ata sa world war 2. kaya aun, kung magisip ay parang nasa gyera. madalas rn kaming magsabunutan nun…sa mga kadalihanang may gusto syang nasa akin pero ayaw kong ibigay atbp. naaalala ko pa nga nung nanalo ako sa spelling bee kung saan naging magkatunggali kami. kala ko ay papalipasin lng nya ito. ngunit hindi. gumawa ng malaking gulo ang bruha at sa huli ay binilhan sya ng something kasi nga may prize ako. kumusta nman un? lately, ay di ko na sya masyadong pinapansin. may sarili na akong buhay…malayo sa kanya…malayo sa kanilang lahat. akala ko ay titigil na ang negative vibes na galing sa kanya. pero hindi. ang laki kc ng galit nya sa mundo, sa akin, sa aming ina at ama. pero marahil ay di gnun ang pait na nadarama nya kung natutunan lng nyang laruin ang laro ng anak at magulang..kung di nya muna pinairal ang pagiging ‘im angry at you bcos ur chuva… echus at echus’ kc sa huli ay sya pa rin ang lugi. ang power ay nasa aming mga magulang…kaya kung pasaway k eh good luck na lng. kahit anong gawin nya forever na kaming nakatali sa kanila. kung minsan ay nagkakasundo rin nman kmi na duda ko ay dahil sa plastican. pero cge, go…keri lng. kaya lng ang di ko nagugustuhan ay yung parang kinokontra nya ako…at patalikod pa kung tumira. ano b ang gnawa q sa kanya at gnun na lng ang galit nya? dahil ba nasa up ako? dahil ba open ako kung ano ang gusto ko at nais matutunan? well, di ko na kasalanan un. ginagaw nya kong palaging reference point eh…meron bang i like this chuva music coz it has no screams etc (translate: coz my sister likes this kind of music). hay. cguro im reading between the lines na rn pero meron pang isa. narinig ko silang naguusap ng isang kapatid ko na in all sense ay talaga nmang mas close sila. ang pinaguusapan nila ay ang aking interes sa photography. sabi pa nya, ung kaibigan raw nya magaling at magaganda ang mga kuha, ala-propesyonal di tulad kay ate na napaka-feeling as if nman magaganda ang kuha ko. well. totoo naman. d nga ako magaling dahil ang pinahayag ko lng nman ay interesado ako sa photography. at ibang uri ng photography ang gusto q compared sa kaibigan nya. ang nkakatawa lng eh bakit kailangan pa nya manggamit ng ibang tao? dahil ba sa hindi nya ako malalamangan hangga’t di sya gumagamit ng ibang tao? sigh. nakakalungkot na nakakaawa talaga.
to be continued….

que sera sera

8 Apr

it may be a line so old that if someone blurts it out you’ll probably smirk and say ‘yeah right, whatever’ but the heck its a good excuse, a good reason. for what? i dunno. depends on a lot of things. in my case…it is because i choose to leave things to the fates. does it hurt? no. not really. i dont think im capable of hurting that much. over the years i’ve learned to numb myself…as a friend used to say, its a wall and its quite hard to scale it. but sometimes… when i let go of my thoughts…i think of things and what could happen and what could have happened… so many scenes flash in my mind. hundreds of them but one or two stands out. and im losing sleep over it.

whatever will be will be.things are just not ok for me, for him, well, for everyone. there are laws we cannot break…its been there even before we met and i wouldn’t risk hurting anyone just because you and i are feeling restless and bored. maybe, just maybe, if we meet again in another 3 or 5 years…when we’re a little older and mature? though i doubt it. who knows? but right now…let leave it to the fates. i chose this path. go with urs…and let us leave all else to the fates.

whatever will be will be.

sleepless nights

8 Apr

obviously i cant sleep. i have too many things going on in my mind. sometimes i have the feeling that i think and contemplate too much and yet there are times when i feel like im obtuse to practically everything around me. sigh. i really am twisted inside. i am worried and yet im doing practically nothing to assuage that worry.

another sleepness night… and it may be all because of nothing.

cheesy lines

8 Apr

now i know why i get addicted to teenage drama shows like the oc and one tree hill. they have cheesy lines that fits an event or two in real life. my life. ur life.

cheesy line no. 1:
source: the oc
ur never gonna get over the pain, u’ll just get used to it.

-so true. when u get hurt, doesnt matter if its from a broken relationship, friendship or unrequited love–the pain stays, dulled after a while but its there. and as time goes by u get used to it.

cheesy line no. 2:
source: one tree hill

a kiss always means something.

-oh yeah. a peck is just a peck but a kiss? heck, no. doesnt matter what circumstances ur in. a kiss is a kiss. driven by emotion, passion or excitement…u say… but after awhile…ask urself.. ‘y did i choose to kiss him?’ hehehehe.

cheesy line no. 3:
source: desperate hauzwives
(ok…this line isnt as cheesy as the previous two…but for the sake of this entry lets place it under the category of cheesy lines.)

the greatest lie is the lies we tell ourselves at night… lies we tell in the hope that come morning it will all come true.

-dont we all do this? sigh. hurts. truth hurts.

more of cheesy lines nxt tym. this is too depressing.